What I Want to be When I Grow Up

What I Want to be When I Grow Up

A recent study conducted by the Bolles Alumni Services revealed an astonishing statistic: 66% of Bolles alums have grown up to fulfill their childhood dreams.


From all the absurd ideas occupational childhood aspirations have generated, some have come true. After reaching out to a handful of these alums, three agreed to an interview: Goose Wayne, a ninja chef, Timothy Eaden, a scuba diving pizza delivery man, and Phillip McGraw, a cow.


Goose Wayne, class of 2005, discovered his passion to become a ninja chef during his time at Bolles. One day during recess, Wayne, then a Kindergartener, realized he could combine two jobs. It was then that Goose Wayne never looked back and grew determined to become a ninja chef. Ambitious even at a young age, Wayne drew up a schedule and follows it to this day. Wayne explained, “So, I was thinking. Monday through Thursday, I would be a chef. Friday, I would be a ninja. Saturday and Sunday, I would take off work.”


In the kitchen at Bistro Aix, Goose Wayne remains loyal to his Monday through Thursday schedule. Fridays, of course, he spends his time as a ninja vigilante. JSO is aware of his presence, however, they don’t seem concerned.


Sheriff Mike Williams explains, “Yeah, if some looney wants to run around in a black mask, throwing plastic shurikens at walls, let him be. He seems to obey the law considering he never trespasses on private property or so much as j-walks. I wouldn’t call him a vigilante.”


Goose Wayne considers himself successful in that he creates a positive difference in the world whether that be as a vigilante or by inspiring the youth to impact the world in their own way. Wayne says, “I take pride in what I do.”


Williams once again responded, “I do not understand. The only problem we have ever had with him was after we tried to have a brief conversation. He quickly threw a smoke bomb, triggering the sprinklers, and then tried to crawl out the door soaking wet.”


While Wayne takes his weekends off, Timothy Eaden, class of 2004, works constantly on call at his position of scuba diving pizza delivery man.


In Key Largo, Jules’ Underwater Lodge was used for

exploration and research in the 70s. Now, it remains a two bedroom hotel in which guests pay $800 to rent it out for a night during which they receive a pizza delivery. Guests can pre-order what toppings they want when they book. They’ll see a knock on their window around 7pm that night.


Timothy Eaden then awaits a call with a date and time for which the hotel was booked. He then, suits up, loads the pizza into a watertight case, and then dives in. His deliveries have all been successful and not very time consuming. The only exception occured during an average delivery. Unfortunately, Eaden’s tank was punctured by a shark bite. Though he was unharmed, oxygen was escaping rapidly. Just as Eaden started to lose consciousness, someone jumped in and saved him. Eaden described his savior as, “a ninja, somehow wearing a chef’s hat.”


Despite the life-threatening experience, Eaden is satisfied with his job. Eaden says, “When I came up with the idea as a kid, I had no idea it would be possible. My mom had the idea to convert the lab into a hotel, so I instantly got the position as delivery man. It’s a nice, easy job with a surprisingly satisfying paycheck. And, the spare time has provided ample opportunity to stream on Twitch.”


Finally, Phillip McGraw, class of 2000, grew up to take on the job of a cow. When he was three, McGraw knew his big brother wanted to be a farmer. Thinking he could help his brother, McGraw declared his passion and goal to become his brother’s cow. When his brother opened a farm, so McGraw found a cow suit and developed a taste for grass. His success was minimal, however, he has maintained his current lifestyle for the past 15 years.


When asked to comment, McGraw said, “Moo.”