Satire: Dear Junior Drivers, You’re on thin asphalt

Cartoon Urban Parking Zones with Color Cars Top View Design. Vector illustration
Cartoon Urban Parking Zones with Color Cars Top View Design. Vector illustration
Getty Images/iStockphoto

Dear Juniors,

We need to talk. Over the past few years, I think many of us seniors would agree that we’ve had a cordial, respectful, and even friendly dynamic between our two classes. But that ends now. It has been ending for the past semester. It ends every time one of you illegally parks in A or C lot. This is war.

Seniority concepts like parking and off-campus privileges only work when the chain of being is obeyed. Freshmen agree to be the grunts, the invisibles. Sophomores get restless and eat in the canteen whenever possible, but still know their place (for the most part – we’ll come back to them). But you juniors seem to have lost all regard for fairness and the food chain.

We were you once. We didn’t get spots and parked on the road or at the church, or we made the F lot trek every morning and afternoon. We waited patiently for our time to shine.

So we’re breaking up. It’s not me, it’s you. It’s your precious Range Rovers and lifted F-150’s. It’s your audacity to roll up at 8:27am and strut through the rows of C lot like you own the place. We’re proud of you for passing your driving tests and convincing your parents you just absolutely needed that Jeep Wrangler. That does NOT give you the right to take our parking spots.

When I arrive at school at 9:20 after a restful late wake-up on the days I start with my off period, I am met with the absolute horror of circling A and C looking for just one empty spot. Your parking in A lot hurts us just as much as your parking in C lot – both lots are meant for the senior class (minus the 10 or so lucky juniors granted A lot privileges). Additionally, learn to park before you try to pull a fast one. News flash – you’re actually supposed to park between the two white lines, not on top of them.

So please, just stop. Let us enjoy our last 5 months of high school. We just want to be able to park close to school and walk in without racing through the lot trying to beat each other to the final few empty spots. 


The Senior Class

P.S. Sophomores, you think you’re slick, huh? You think since you ride the varsity baseball bench and have a 6-day Snap streak with a senior girl that allows you to dare drive your tires on our asphalt? Parking your muddy trucks in A lot instead of C doesn’t take away from the absolute offense you commit. The juniors may be toeing the line, but you’re vaulting over it.

About the Contributor
Isabel Bassin
Isabel Bassin, Co-Editor-In-Chief
Senior Isabel Bassin is a four-year staffer and a Co-Editor-In-Chief, as well as a captain of the varsity girl's lacrosse team. When not writing or playing lacrosse, she spends her free time with her geriatric dog, Charlie. She doesn't know what the future holds for her, but she is excited at the idea of the many places life and journalism may take her.