Since November 9, 2022, the Bolles Bugle website has been plagued by the article “Is Humpty Dumpty Really An Egg?”
On the right side of the article reader on our website, there is a trending list. For the past three years, “Is Humpty Dumpty Really An Egg?” has been the number one trending article. But who would want to read an article on Humpty Dumpty? And how does it beat other, more interesting articles? It begs the question of foul play, and a feud between Editors-in-Chief that goes beyond just numbers.
Tristan Schneider ‘26, currently a Co-Editor-in-Chief, wrote the article his freshman year. The article was the first that Schenider wrote, and thus not very good. The article consists of minimal writing, boring images, and fabricated quotes.
In the article, Schneider uses two quotes from someone named “The Calculator Guy.” If the name isn’t suspicious enough, Schneider also does not fully cite the quotes. He simply just says “The Calculator Guy.”
But there is no Calculator Guy on the Internet, and certainly not one who wrote about Humpty Dumpty being an egg. The quotes are quite obviously fabricated. Schneider most likely couldn’t find people writing about his topic, and thus came up with his own quotes.
Schneider’s article is not particularly eye-catching either. Containing a boring title about Humpty Dumpty and a stock photo. Neither are very intriguing. And how often do people think about Humpty Dumpty? Not very much.
With these flaws, we are left to wonder: who is clicking on this article? The answer I found was that we don’t know where the traffic is coming from.
Ellie Stewart ‘26, the other Co-Editor-in-Chief, says that “Tristan hacked into the system. He put numbers, views, and likes on his article that it did not receive.” But how would he have done this?
One way he could have boosted his stats is by opening and reloading a tab he had on a device or devices. Doing such would generate views, pushing the article to the top of the trending list.
Schneider could have also accessed the website and manually changed the data. Rather than real clicks and views, his data could have come from changes he made in the website.
This would make sense because sometimes new articles overtake Humpty Dumpty for first place, but eventually Humpty Dumpty reclaims its spot. Maybe, Schneider wants to make sure the article stays in first place, and whenever it gets passed he has to go in and change the data to move his article back to first place.
But why would Schneider want to keep his article at the top so badly? He enjoys making his rival Editor-in-Chief mad. “It’s his favorite thing to poke fun at me. I think that he’s doing it to taunt me,” said Stewart.
Schneider uses the article as leverage all the time. “It’s not my fault I’m better than her,” he said. He uses his fabricated data and fake success to prove he is better than her.
Schneider even doubles down with dirtier insults: “Ellie? More like smelly.” An elementary attempt to engage Stewart in an argument. Schneider is trying to take down Stewart in his route to becoming a better author.
“He knows I put more effort into my article than he did,” Stewart said about her past article: “Instagram creator and former Bolles swimmer rises to Varsity Head Coach.” This story should have had more click logically, as Coach jake has a big following on instagram, and posted Stewart’s article on his instagram story.
Through all these facts and disputes, there is one thing we may never know: who, if anyone, is reading “Is Humpty Dumpty Really an Egg?”
And why is it still number one on the charts after three years? The only plausible answer is foul play.
