Negotiators from the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB) narrowly averted a general strike at the North Pole that would have imperiled Christmas, 2022.

Representatives of the Elven Labor Federation (ELF) met late Tuesday night with Santiago “Santa” Claus, the President and CEO of recently embattled Claus Industries at a strictly mediated session at the NLRB’s headquarters in Washington, DC.

The dispute appears to have been brewing for some time now as ELF’s grievances have grown. “The North Pole real estate market is in shambles!” argued spokeself Candy Kane. “With all that ice melting, there’s less room for housing, and prices have skyrocketed. Twelve chocolates an hour just doesn’t go as far as it used to.”

Beyond a simple increase in the cost of living, inflation has also been driven by manipulation of the confectionary currency. “North Pole labor law is notoriously vague,” said Northnorthern University law professor I.C. Kells. “The law simply states that the minimum wage is 12 chocolates per hour. It does not, however, strictly define a size or cocoa percentage. The Claus-backed government has taken advantage of this loophole by gradually minting smaller chocolates of lower cocoa content.”

“We honestly didn’t think they would notice,” said Sen. Robin Banks. “How smart can they possibly be? They’re like this tall,” he said, with his right hand at his knees. He had a fair point.

The elves were not, however, to be truffled with, and added to their list of demands an independent central bank to fix monetary standards.

However, not everybody involved considered elf compensation of equal importance. “This was incredibly irresponsible,” said Claus spokesperson Holly Daye. “What if the deal had fallen through? This would have been the first time in over 2000 years of our company’s proud history that we would fail to deliver presents to every spoiled brat on this miserable blue-green rock! I mean… to every good little boy and girl on our lovely planet Earth.”

“This is the best part of the job,” said an NLRB negotiator, speaking on the condition of anonymity. “When I tell my friends what I do for work, they’re always like ‘wow man, that sounds like a snoozefest,’ and they’re usually right. But this is what I live for, man.”

“Oh yeah but this doesn’t even hold a candle to last year,” a colleague bragged. “The Intergalactic Mining Guild was so pi—”

“Shut up David! You know what the Boss said would happen if we talked about that!”

“Hey! I’m being anonymous! And Joe didn’t say anything to me.”

“Not Joe, you half-baked toaster pastry, the Boss.”

“Oh. Was that when he said something about the Falklands?”

“Yes David, the one about the Falklands.”